Shutdown

Instead of politicans playing he said, she said, it would be nice to get the impression that they are keeping in mind the their inability to come to a compromise is potentially keeping food of the tables of people in their country, including their military families. Meanwhile millions of Americans are beginning to lose unemployment because extension of benefits is ending after tier 4, and here we sit at risk of more people going without food and more people unable to afford their housing. I would say regardless of your political affiliation and REGARDLESS of who you voted for we have some major issues here. My family is living some of these issues, which only heightened today and I am so beyond frustrated.
The main issue (from my reading anyhow) is Planned Parenthood, and the issue of abortion. I wonder if many people realize that ending Planned Parenthood also ends the ability of women that have no health insurance to get low cost to no cost annual examinations that can detect STDs, pre-cancer, and cancer; this saves lives. This saves the spread of STDs by detection and treatment, and education.
I never get political, but as of today, and the fact that millions more could potentially find themselves financial crisis, I wouldn't wish this worry and stress on anyone.

Might I add the STD testing planned parenthood provides INCLUDES HIV testing for people who cannot afford this testing otherwise and NEED to know for themselves AND for others. This service provides birth control to people that cannot afford it, and this includes providing birth control to those men and women affected by layoffs.

I would never wish any of this on anyone, but I wonder what each of these politicians would think if it was their family died while serving in our country's military or their family member was injured in war and needed constant medical care, or their child couldn't eat dinner becaues they had no money for food, their wife ended up with cervical cancer because of lack of access to screening, or were faced with where do I live because I now have no unemployment to support my family even minimally? It seems common sense to me since these topics are mostly governed by the nation and not but the state that politicians need to learn real quick to put their biases against one another aside and face the reality of what their decisions entail.

Fighting the why's

I sit here daily fighting the why's, the what's, the how's, but frustration sets in because no question can be answered. I want to be this pillar of strength and this mountain of courage, but I feel undeniably vulnerable and weak at the knees. I feel my strength questions further as the vulnerabiliy sets in as tears and sadness. Why us? But why can I seemingly fail to focus on the positives? The beauty around me; my children, their health, my husband, food on the table, my own health...I further my mental frustration at my own failed optimism. I want to scream, but I know a good laugh can do so much more. I want to smile, but it is getting more challenging. My anger is mounting. We are so strong, but what if we lose so much? How can positive come from that? How do you not feel like a failure? I am disappointed that choices I made 7 years ago are effecting my ability to be successful today. I feel desperate and uneasy in this place. And now I feel better having written this. I know deep down that this too shall pass.

Wynter's 5th Birthday!

Right now our family is going through a lot of "transitions" that are really hard ones for a family to face, but the most positive thing to note is Miss Wynter's 5th birthday! I am constantly amazed by how quickly these little ones grow and learn. It is awesome to be witness to their eagerness to learn and grow as little people.

Those who know Wynter, certainly are well versed in the fact that she has a zest for life! She is a mommy's girl, but loves to "snoozil" her daddy. She loves animals, bugs, and butterflies. She whines like no other besides maybe her mother when she was young (I can still whine ugh). She bats her beautiful blue eyes at you when she wants something and she knows that you may say no, and it makes it hard to say no! She angers easily, but can act with a maturity well beyond her years and empathy I envy at times.

Wynter is bright and beautiful. She will start kindergarten this year and she will do so well....That is if she doesn't disagree with a teacher, and tell them off! She is strong willed, stubborn, and can convince you that you are wrong even when you started off the conversation with a belief that you were more than right.

She dances like a princess and smiles when the wind hits her face. She loves to play with her mommy's hair and will tell you she loves you more than anything when you could really use that special boost.

July 8, 2007...Daddy and I knew of your existence....March 16, 2005 you were born...48 hours of LONG labor and laughs and tears...I cried and held you "oh baby, oh baby" I said. Nana, Daddy, and Auntie Kristen were there along with every nurse and doctor on the delivery floor I think! You cried and then blinked those big beautiful blue doe eyes at me....It was love at first sight. You were wise beyond your years at birth and had a sparkle in your eye from day 1.

I cannot believe it is going to be your 5th birthday, and I am the most lucky person in the world to be your mommy and to share my life and love with such a wonderful, special little lady. You are going to do so much as you embark on a life of learning. In just a few months we will be entering the territory of kindergarten...You will be and do so well....I cannot wait to share your life from here on with you and watch you grow.

I love you to the moon and back baby girl! Your mommy thinks that you are fantastic!!!! Happy 5th Birthday!

Mommy xoxo

One Year Later...Blessed and Beautiful.

After realizing that we were indeed ready to have another baby, I found out that I was pregnant. I went in for an ultrasound and saw a little heartbeat on the screen and fell in love. 5 weeks later I lost my baby. I would never take for granted the beauty of a pregnancy and a baby again. Thereafter, I lost one more baby, but knew that I still wanted to try because I have never felt something so amazingly beautiful as becoming a mommy. It had added so much to my life already, and I wouldn't get discouraged, although I shed so many tears over both of my lost babies, but I know that we will indeed meet again and Bop is carefully caring for them.

About a month after the last baby I lost, I found out (May 28, 2008 to be exact) that I was expecting a baby. My excitement was set aside slightly and anxiety crept in...I wanted this baby so badly. I knew I had so much more love to give. My pregnancy went along easily. I was free of morning sickness and wasn't gaining all that much weight, which with Wynter was a different story!! All was going perfectly...September 19, 2008 I was humbled further. I went in for an ultrasound and we learned we were having a girl! We looked at each other was with excitement, fear, and anticipation...a third girl....oh my...12 years of teenage girls....oh my...We waited for the doctor....an hour and half ticks by....something is wrong....

My excitement was positively crushed....I questioned myself...am I selfish? Should I have given up on having a baby? Was this my fault? These questions lingered through frustration and tears for 20 weeks. I have never cried so many tears...I didn't even know that so many tears were possible. 28 weeks brought shots at home by Dana (he did really well)....Was she growing? Should I have an amnio? What was wrong? Was it chromosomal? Was it Down's? Why am I crying...I will love her unconditionally no matter what?

February 1, 2009 I was admitted to the hospital to start my induction because they didn't think she was growing properly. I cried...I didn't want to go...I felt like a child myself. I just wanted to feel like this wasn't my fault.

The morning of February 2, 2009 like 1 am...they gave me some Ambien....they gave my something to soften my cervix..."get rest" they say and before you know it my water breaks and within one hour I am 10 cm and having my baby girl. I don't even remember besides dancing through contractions with my brave husband and spitting ice cubes like a crazy lady.

Around 4 am February 2, 2009 you took your first breath and my heart opened wider than I knew possible. You were admitted to the intensive care NICU and I spent every waking moment possible with you. I walked within hours of giving birth to be with you. To look into your eyes while doctors, nurses, machines, technicians worked to determine your medical needs. You know I cried as though a flood gate opened within myself. I had been told you were perfectly healthy hours before hand and now you were hooked to oxygen tubes...needles were poking and prodding your perfect little body. I stayed strong in your presence and held your hand while you screamed and after they were done...Daddy and I scooped you up and gave you our undivided love and attention. Your beauty was undeniable.

September 16, 2009 (almost one year after we found out something could be wrong) we found out that your heart condition would not require any medical interventions. I have never felt so elated, but by this time I knew you...I knew your strength...I knew would be just fine.

You are an amazing baby...a gift. I know that I was meant to be your mommy. You gave me a sense of bravery I have never felt...a strength within myself I never knew existed. You have completed my life in so many ways. I cherish every moment of your existence and your achievements amaze me. I am honored and proud to be your mommy. I have become a more empathetic and patient person because of you. I am a better person and mommy. I couldn't love you more.

I cannot believe you are going to one. You say so many things, you make me smile more than I ever have, your steps my heart leap in anticipation for you, and I am so excited to be such an integral part of life. You will do amazing things sweet baby....I LOVE YOU ASHHHHHHWYYYNNN!!

Happy 1st birthday!!!
Love,
Your mommy!

The teeth...The Pain

Okay...Formula may enter our household, which I do not want to do. Little Miss Ashlynn is thinking it is hysterical to use her two new chompers to bite her mother repeadedly! OUCH! While she bites me she looks up with this grin, so then I am trying to be firm, eyes watering in pain, and I am having trouble not laughing. It is like a painful bipolar moment in my mommy world. This is not okay! Good thing she is more than cute!

lol...Dana just called me and apparently he stepped in a puddle of gasoline (accidentally) at a gas station, which resulted in an unbelieveable gas stench...Then the gasoline precedes to eat through the soles of his shoes??!! Honestly?! So he is trying to find a shoe store in this little town he is working in today because rain and gasoline have filled his shoes since he has basically no sole left. Only us, I swear!!

I can't wait to post some pictures of Ashlynn's dangerous teeth once they come through a little more! Lots of love to you all!

The blogging begins!

As a mommy to 4 beautiful children and being a mom that loves the computer, I figured I would start my mommy blog to create a chronicle of our excursions, new discoveries, our trials, our triumphs, and much much more. I find myself spending so much time trying to recall things to tell my children about some day or share with family and friends, and I end up forgetting over half of it with "mommy brain", so I wanted to create this. This is for my family and friends, and my babies and me to keep track of our milestones here in NC!

For those of you that don't know, my husband, Dana, and I moved to North Carolina in October of 2007 from Bangor, Maine to be closer to Paige (Dana's oldest daughter). Dana had an opportunity to transfer his position and we jumped at the chance to be near Paige and be in an area so fulfilling for education and entertainment!

We lived in Cary at first and when we decided to buy a house, we bought a house in Raleigh. I love it here! I am a stay at home mom and I cannot say enough about the opportunites this area has provided my children and myself to learn, explore, make friends, and stay very BUSY!!!

I really hope that everyone enjoys the little tidbits of our lives we can share with you! Our children are amazing and they grow and learn all too quickly!

You'll hear from me soon!